Giving Care to Caregivers

Giving – to the point of exhaustion and poor health – is something common to caregivers who devote most of their time and portions of their lives to patients and other people with mobility and related issues. (Note: in the interests of brevity, I’ll use the term “patient” generically, knowing that not all people who need the services of a caregiver are literal patients.) The question arises: what can those of us who are friends, family, counselors, or other interested parties do that will help the caregivers SIGNIFICANTLY as they journey through their duties?

Giving Care to Caregivers Can Include “taking over the duties” for a Short or Longer Period of Time – Regularly, if Possible!

Sometimes, no work is required! You don’t have to have special training or skills!

Sometimes, the person who needs care simply needs someone to be there to dial 911 in an emergency.
Maybe the ‘patient’ simply needs help with ordering or serving lunch.
Perhaps, they just need to be able to get outdoors and back inside with assistance.

These are great circumstances in which you could help give care to the caregiver as well as to the patient. For example, you can volunteer to sit with the patient for a few hours a week.

If you have the financial means, you could arrange the gift of paying for a few hours of professional respite care so the caregiver can rest, run errands, or enjoy a break.

Listen to Caregivers – Especially when they “Vent” – Without Judging or “Fixing” and Provide Emotional Validation

Arrange a time and space with the caregiver to talk privately without being overheard. Create a safe psychological space for the caregiver who may need to vent feelings.

Do this without offering solutions unless you are asked for advice. Sometimes they just need to be heard.

Acknowledge the caregiver’s struggles and emotions (grief, guilt, anger, exhaustion) as normal, instead of minimizing or dismissing their experience.

Help Organize Practical Support from Others

A great idea is to coordinate meal deliveries, household chores, transportation, or grocery shopping through a shared calendar or volunteer group.

Of course, this only works if each person can be counted upon to do their duties well and on time without anyone needing to remind them.

This is an area where current technology can be very helpful in allowing participants to set reminders on their devices and calendars. The reminders should be set in enough time for them to do whatever preparations are necessary as well as to leave on time to visit the patient.

Giving Encouragement and Modeling Self-Care

Giving means gently reminding and modeling ways to prioritize self-care. That might mean small things like taking a walk, doing short breathing exercises a few times a day, or taking meditation breaks.

You can do some of these things together via phone, online, or in-person to help ensure that they happen with some regularity.

Don’t remind caregivers in accusatory words or tones. It’s not about admonishing them to take better care of themselves. It’s about encouraging them in soft and subtle ways that don’t make them judge or feel negatively toward themselves.

Take out the word, “should,” and substitute the word, “could,” which is about choice, and options, and is not condemning.

Offer Specific Help (Not Open-Ended)

Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer something concrete: “Can I mow the lawn for you this weekend?” or “I’ll bring dinner on Thursday.”

When you make a general, “open-ended” offer, like “Call me if you need help,” the caregiver often assumes that you don’t really mean it. They may be reluctant to “impose” on you, and they’ll rarely contact you short of a major emergency.

Instead, find out what kinds of things would truly help them. The service you provide could be as seemingly small as taking garbage bins to the curb on pickup day and returning them to the house after the garbage has been taken away. But, that kindness matters a lot to a caregiver who needs to pay constant attention to the patient and who may physically have difficulty in moving the large bins.

That is just one example. Perhaps the caregiver could benefit by giving you a list of appointments to make for the patient. Another blessing would be if you pick up prescriptions, or groceries, or take broken items to a repair shop.

Ask, and you might find out what matters greatly to the caregiver, who will have gratitude for much longer than it takes you to do the chore(s).

Giving Help is Critical when You Discover Signs of “Burnout”

Watch for signs like extreme fatigue, irritability, depression, or withdrawal—and gently suggest professional help or assist them in getting additional support if needed. Caregivers need a vacation much more than many others do. If that is something that you can help arrange, it could be a tremendous blessing for both the mental and physical health of the caregiver.

Expect resistance at first, as they are likely to think they must stay “glued to” the patient. They might be right about that; but, it’s also possible that no one has explored options that would make a vacation possible, if only for a week. Be creative.

Don’t Forget About Beauty!

Giving to a caregiver might entail helping them keep their environment more beautiful than it otherwise would be. This could involve cleaning services, but it also might include things like providing them with beautiful flowers. (These would be real or artificial – depending on the needs or allergies of both caregiver and patient.) It could involve lovely, soothing music, or soft fragrances that suit the tastes of both caregiver and patient. Perhaps, it’s an article of clothing, or making it possible for there to be a pleasant view of the outdoors available to the caregiver – even for fleeting minutes.

Celebrate Small Victories

Recognize and praise the caregiver’s efforts, resilience, and achievements, no matter how small, to boost their morale and sense of meaning. Small (infrequent) gifts might be in order. Send them great applicable quotes or greeting cards. Speak highly of them, in their presence, to other people.

In some cases, they might be deserving of public recognition, so you could nominate them for awards, or invite them to present solo or in a panel at speaking engagements. Use your imagination, but remember to be aware of what THEY would like, versus what you think you would like if you were in their role.

Respect The Caregiver’s Boundaries

Support them without pressuring them to socialize, share more than they want, or accept help they’re uncomfortable with. This is critically important. Caregivers already are under enormous pressure. Don’t add to it.

Invaluable Giving Means Staying Consistently Connected with the Caregiver

Regular, predictable check-ins (texts, quick calls, notes) prevent caregivers from feeling isolated, forgotten, or overwhelmed by having to initiate contact themselves.

Learn More About Cancer, Advocacy for Funding Medical Research, Caregiving, and Healthy Foods for Patients at Flourishing Beyond Cancer, LLC

In 2025, I chose to become affiliated with a “start-up” company, which is owned by people who have been dear friends of mine for decades. I’m doing it because I support their cause, I might be able to help their audience, and because I know they are people of good intent and high ethical standards.

Here’s a peek:

Flourishing Beyond Cancer ~ Starring Jeffrey & Shannon Sapp

This page (and its sub-menu pages) are devoted to the life and times of Retired Navy Captain, Jeffrey Kendall Sapp, M.A., M.S., M.A., and his talented wife and partner, Shannon. After an exemplary 30-year career in the Navy, Jeffrey found himself leading an aggressive personal war against his rare form of cancer, Primary Plasma Cell Leukemia. As a Master Caregiver, who had to learn on the job, Shannon saw him through death-defying moments, hours, days, months, and years.

Now, they are leaders in advocacy for cancer research. They also plan to teach both patients and caregivers healthier ways of preparing food. Based on science, the recipes allow the body to use its natural resources to fight off diseases.

You will see a few of my posts and pages there. But, more important are the articles and posts that the Sapps create as they teach people about the cancer journey, from the perspective of both patient and caregiver, and as they begin to prepare food that is helpful for all people.

If you or your group want to book a speaker about the topic of cancer or advocacy to fund cancer research, Captain Sapp is your man. Contact him directly, or let me know, and I’ll put you two in touch!

Do You Want to Discuss Giving to Caregivers in a Sip & Share Session on Zoom? The First One is FREE!

Click Here to learn more if you want to discuss other topics.

Do you need some tips and tricks on how to stress less during challenging or even traumatic situations? How about a “sounding board” for your ideas or personal feelings? Do you just need someone to listen without judging you? These are the kinds of things we’ll do in Sip & Share sessions on Zoom. Both individuals and groups may take advantage of this offer.

You don’t need to know how to use Zoom, because I do! I’ll set up our online meeting. It’s easy. All you have to do is click on the link that I’ll send you and then join me in the conversation. You can join me on your smartphone or by using a larger device. Here’s how it works.

Email me at [email protected] and put the topic you want us to discuss into the Subject Line. I’ll reply to your email, so we can coordinate schedules, and then I’ll send you the link to our conversation. The freebie lasts up to 30 minutes and is available to both groups and individuals.