Graceful Goodbyes can be difficult to create and present if you’ve been at odds with the person who is departing. That’s especially true if the person was unsympathetic and unhelpful to you as a cancer patient or a caregiver. However, if you are required to give the farewell speech, it is wise to maintain integrity and professionalism for several reasons.
- Taking the good-hearted road enables you to feel good about yourself in the long run!
- That person may be needed in the future as a reference for employment, character reference, or other needs.
- The person may have family and friends in attendance, and it does not serve you well to take out your anger on them.
- You hurt your reputation when you try to hurt others.
Finessed Farewells
With so many people leaving employment now (by choice or otherwise), I decided to share this from my website for those of you who need to make farewell speeches. I hope it is useful to you.
Note: these Graceful Goodbyes concepts can be adapted for any kind of send-off speech or toast. See Prepping to Present for a detailed list of things to consider before you give a speech (or teach a class, etc.).
Why blog about “retirement speeches?” One of the joys of being a writer is that I have the opportunity to craft speeches for special events. Those occasions might feel happy or sad or both at the same time. They can be tricky, but they’re usually FUN!
The times in which farewells are less fun to write, much less to present, are when the person who is leaving has been highly controversial, extremely unpopular, or a personal adversary.
You must not say what you’d like to say!
In those cases, some finesse is needed to make the presentation adhere to these standards.
It should be
1) authentic
2) professional
3) a rendition that gives credit where credit is due
4) a positive sendoff.
Let’s Get REAL!
First, I am going to share a few suggestions with you about how to handle tough situations.
A couple of examples are:
- You have been at continual odds with a supervisor, and now you have been chosen by the organization’s president to deliver the retirement speech
- The retiree is known for cruelty, lack of ethics, or for being out of step with the mission or beliefs of the majority, etc.
…and, then, what?
After I’ve mentioned ideas for handling that, I promise to give you a more standard 5-step outline for creating a farewell speech or toast.
You’ll be able to use those steps regardless of whether you love, hate, or are indifferent to the person who is leaving. You can use those steps if you don’t even KNOW that person!
So, let’s get started!
Diplomatic Departures: Saying Goodbye with Style
Make the Personal Less Personal by Using Quotes and Keeping It Short
Case Study #1: Graceful Goodbyes
When “Everyone KNOWS” of historical conflicts involving the retiree, you can remain authentic – acknowledging that fact with grace – by choosing quotes from famed philosophers, comedians, or experts. You insert them as a “one-liner” or a very short paragraph and quickly change the subject. Here is an example.
The Situation:
Throughout his tenure, the retiree took clients for granted and did not consider their needs when creating policies and procedures.
His view of policies and internal systems was in direct opposition to how most managers and employees understood best practices to serve both customers and business interests.
However, the retiree held a position of power and prevailed, as employees knew they could be fired for openly challenging the concepts.
The Suggestion:
The speaker alludes to or mentions that there often were different viewpoints during a workday and adds (with a smile)
“Another way of looking at it (which applies to all of us) is a quote from the Talmud –
“We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.”
Case Study #2: Graceful Goodbyes
The Situation:
The retiree is famous for unpredictability and frequently changing his or her mind, thus disrupting the plans and assignments given to employees. Sometimes, the person even wants people to do things that are of questionable legality.
The Suggestion:
Again, find a suitable quote and put it into your farewell speech. Here’s an example.
“Following another person’s thought process is very instructional, and it is wise to be open to new ways of looking at things as we all grow or get new information about a subject we thought we knew.”
(The retiree) has an ally in George Bernard Shaw, who said,
“The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me.”
Case Study #3: Graceful Goodbyes
The Situation:
The retiree has a highly individualized and non-standard way of thinking. Some people love it, but others are accustomed to “straight-line” thinking and find it uncomfortable to go too far “out of the box” or to take risks involving creative, rather than standard, approaches to problem-solving.
The Suggestion:
After mentioning that the retiree thinks “outside the box,” the speaker says,
“This poses a challenge to some of us and causes us to look in new conceptual directions. It reminds me of one of Shirley MacLaine’s famous lines. Shirley was discussing the right and left brain functions and indicated that “masculine” thinking is logical, linear, straight line thinking. But the feminine mind is “capable of holding two contradictory concepts simultaneously without confusion.” “
Quickly Follow with a Legitimate Compliment
After acknowledging “what life was like” with a difficult or controversial retiree, quickly mention something worthy of respect (preferably, with which all attendees can agree). An example might be about the person’s work ethic.
“In addition, we all know (the retiree) is a hard and dedicated worker. For example, if he has a meeting in another state and his return flight arrives at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon, he does not go home like the rest of us would. He returns to the office and works until “quitting time,” even if he worked late the night before.”
Now, Let’s Get to Standard Ways for Composing Retirement Speeches or Toasts
+ a 5-Step-Plan
General Keys to Success
There are several keys to success.
- The speeches are not too long.
- They start with lines that are interesting enough to quiet an audience that probably was eating, drinking, and chatting.
- They say things that are authentic about the retiree in a respectful and, perhaps, even a loving way, no matter what the relationships and experiences have been like over the years.
- The speaker needs to know the audience.
- Are the attendees limited to close friends, families, and co-workers?
- Is the audience more expansive to include local or national officials or other kinds of experts who don’t know the retiree well, but are there to honor that person’s accomplishments?
- WHY SHOULD YOU CARE? (The latter might not understand “inside jokes,” for example.)
- The speaker should blend professionalism with warmth and familiarity in their speech and body movements.
It’s not always easy. But it’s important. For their welfare. And for yours.
People will remember, and your presentation will become part of your reputation.
Honoring a Legacy: 5 Tips for Writing Heartfelt, Graceful Goodbyes
GRACEFUL GOODBYES #
DO
Think carefully about your opening words and actions. Many speakers start with a joke or other “icebreaker” that they hope is guaranteed to get people’s attention. That can be effective – for better or for worse. It contributes to the “first impression” people have of you if they don’t already know you, so craft it with care.
DO NOT
Do not start with an apology, such as one for the failure of the air conditioner.
If you feel you MUST break the tension in the group and cannot ignore something that will prevent their attentiveness to you, you could do something different like thank the people for “braving the indoor weather, as well as the outdoor weather, as we come together to honor this most deserving person.” Pause for laughter and move off the topic immediately.
GRACEFUL GOODBYES #
DO
- Give a heartfelt talk highlighting the retiree’s achievements and contributions.
- If you don’t know the details, interview some colleagues, customers, friends, and family to get tidbits that you can put into your speech.
- If the person is not famed for specific achievements, then you can choose things like character traits.
- Perhaps, they are well-known for ethics and integrity.
- They might have been a great “sounding board” who could critique any idea by seeing real pitfalls and making constructive suggestions.
- Possibly, they had great interpersonal relationship skills and could motivate or help anyone in difficult situations.
- Maybe they made work fun when it otherwise would not be.
DO NOT
- Don’t try to list every accomplishment. Remember, “less is more” regarding the length of your speech.
- See if you can find 2 or 3 primary themes, such as kindness, leadership, or technical prowess that the person has shown throughout the time he or she was known in the group.
- Themes will allow you to weave them into short stories (anecdotes) that will captivate your audience.
GRACEFUL GOODBYES #
DO
Share impactful anecdotes or stories, personal memories. Use “inside jokes” but sprinkle them carefully, depending on who is in the audience.
- Stories could be about things that happened at work.
- They could be about barbecues or holiday parties that the retiree hosts annually.
- They could describe a time the retiree was a hero to a child or someone in trouble. Be careful not to break confidences if you share this kind of anecdote.
DO NOT
- You must respect confidential information and personal privacy as you create stories to tell. Do not embarrass the retiree or other people mentioned in your storytelling. Think about what you are saying from the perspective of the people about whom you are speaking. Do not hurt them or their loved ones who may be in attendance.
- Even if the tradition is to “roast” a retiree, do not damage that person emotionally or professionally by choosing topics, wording, or props that would be humiliating or triggering. This is particularly important for people who are known to have PTSD from past traumas.
- Be classy. Keep things caring. Remember “The Golden Rule” and ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’
GRACEFUL GOODBYES #
DO
Express gratitude for their dedication and leadership
- This event is not the time or place for criticism of the person or performance. It is ending a chapter. Both the organization and the person are embarking on new chapters with this life-changing, group-changing departure. Make it a positive occasion.
- Again, if you are the presenter, but are not well-acquainted with the person or the history, ask questions of those who are familiar before you craft your speech.
DO NOT
Use cliches or reruns of previous speeches typically given to retirees. This should be a customized, personalized, one-of-a-kind tribute and Fare Thee Well to the individual being honored.
GRACEFUL GOODBYES #
DO
- Express gratitude for the privilege of working together.
- End on a positive note by celebrating the joy and/or benefits people have experienced from knowing the person or from the retiree’s achievements and give heartfelt well-wishes for their retirement
DO NOT
- Raise a toast to them if the person chooses or needs not to drink alcohol.
- Try to outshine the person. The retiree is the “Star” of the event. Keep your ego in check.
Another Quote for a Graceful Goodbyes Happy Ending
(The retiree’s) tenure at (name of company or group) can be considered a success, but we wish (the retiree) more than that, because, quoting Dave Gardner:
“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
May our retiree experience happiness.”
Retirement Speeches and Farewells Are Just One Kind of Tribute You Can Offer to Help Others and to Cement Your Relationships in a Positive Way.
There are many occasions on which you can honor people and make toasts. They include the obvious weddings, births of children, promotions at work, publication of a book, winning of awards, and so many more.
In a world of so much strife and stress, this might be a way for you to make someone’s life better by volunteering to honor them in a gathering, large or small.
Sip & Share on Zoom
A FREEBIE!
If you need tips, or for someone to do the speech-writing for you, feel free to contact me at [email protected].
You may request a FREE initial consultation if you’d like to talk on Zoom about your thoughts or your project. Just put “Request Sip & Share re Speech Writing” in the email subject line, and I’ll get in touch with you to arrange scheduling. Then, I’ll send a link, and all you have to do is click on it at the appointed time.
We’ll discuss your topic, and I promise not to exert any sales pressure on you. Let’s talk!
Do It the Write Way! Let My Fingers Do Your Talking!
